“While many victims of sexual assaults are intoxicated, so are victims of other crimes — like robbery — in similar percentages. Further, as many have written, a woman can drink until she’s blue in the face and unless a rapist is present, she won’t get raped. She might have a really bad headache the next day, but she won’t get raped.
But what about men who drink and then get all handsy and don’t know that they’ve raped until they wake up the next morning horrified with themselves? A myth, says Culp-Reeser, who cites research that shows men who already plan on victimizing women will sometimes drink as a way to justify their behavior. Further, men who rape don’t just do it once; they tend to consciously select a victim, deliberately isolate her, and use alcohol to diminish her ability to say no. Alcohol is among the many “tools” employed by rapists who wish to victimize women; it’s not a potion that transforms a carefree college girl into a sexual assault victim.”
some good quotes from this article:
1) “A 2001 research project into sexual assault and alcohol commissioned by the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism puts it this way: “Although alcohol consumption and sexual assault frequently co-occur, this phenomenon does not prove that alcohol use causes sexual assault.” In some cases, the researchers pointed out, it may actually be the other way around. The desire to commit a sexual assault may actually encourage alcohol consumption, as some men may drink before assaulting a woman in order to help justify their behavior.”
2) “But the important point to note is that alcohol is just one of many tools at rapists’ disposal — and if alcohol isn’t available, that won’t necessarily stop a rapist from assaulting people.”
3) “And perhaps more broadly, it’s important to remember that sexual assault isn’t actually unique in its relationship to alcohol. In fact, at least half of all violent crimes occur after the perpetrator, the victim, or both have been drinking alcohol. Sexual assault simply fits neatly within that larger pattern — yet we’re much less likely to assume that alcohol factored into an armed robbery, or call on people to stop drinking so they won’t get mugged.”
I was thinking something similar to the third quote (from the second article) the other day. We don’t say that murder victims should have made sure they didn’t drink because it’s their fault they were targeted, because that’s a load of crap.
Sure, there are many things that I can do to keep myself safer, and I do most of those things. I don’t go out by myself late at night. etc. etc. But that doesn’t guarantee my safety. In fact I have seen how it can lull women into thinking they are safe, until they are not, until they are raped by someone they know. While they were trying to “be safe”. The fact is that I can modify my life all day long, it doesn’t make rapists, and sexual harassers, and people who wish me harm, magically disappear. And I think that’s the broader conversation we need to have, why do we keep the onus on women to change their lives instead of addressing the very real problem that rapists keep raping?
Which means it’s time to watch some horror movies! And stress eat candy from the fear, like you do.
Here are some movies you can watch Right Now.
My favorites from that list (in the order they appear):
Other favorites available on Instant:
On my To Watch list:
Other list List:
Cabin in the Woods has unexpected twists, and some really funny moments. Mind bending in an enjoyable way.
Scream is so meta, and so good, this is the one horror movies I have seen umpteen number of times.
Rosemary’s Baby is a classic for a reason. Mia Farrow is great.
Session 9 is eerie and scary as hell. I agree with the linked mini review that it is ridiculously well acted. And haunted insane asylums are always really messed up.
Let the Right One In is subtle and really gets to you without the blood and guts.
Other faves List:
Resident Evil is fun to watch, I love the ass kicking main character.
Scream 2 is good, not as good as the original, but I enjoy the entire series.
American Horror Story is truly a long form horror movie, scary as hell. And the cast is AH-MAZING.
I have seen Event Horizon, and it’s not listed because it was so scary I didn’t like it. SPOILER ALERT I don’t remember what happened but I vaguely remember someone getting skinned alive. And it has a great cast, with some really good acting.
Silent Hill Revelation is on Netflix, the first one is the single scariest thing I have ever seen. So if you’re into horror, watch it.
Giallo was just gross, and not that great.
This makes me miss Paris a whole hell of a lot.
- Orphan Black
- Henning Mankell’s Wallander
- Friday Night Lights
- The Walking Dead
- American Horror Story
- The Americans
- Orange is the New Black
Broadchurch: I love that each one is different and obscenely well done. That show is just such a masterpiece, in every possible way.
Orphan Black: one of the all time best, absolutely mesmerizing.
Friday Night Lights: perfect song
American Horror Story: all 3 seasons’ opening credits are good, but I like season 1 best of all.
Orange is the New Black: I like the pictures, I hate hate hate the song; I cringe everytime it starts and I don’t fast forward quick enough. Same thing happens with Parenthood. this version is much better.
Life on Mars: I don’t hate it, and I’m not sure I would change anything about it, I just don’t love watching the title sequence.
Two songs by The Mars Volta that I like. The first, Inertiatic ESP, is one of their more famous songs, and the first song that drew me to them. The second, Since We’ve Been Wrong, is a softer more meditative song that conveys their brilliance. Their music is psychedelic rock that was an offshoot of the emo rock movement (formed by former members of the emo band At The Drive-In).
The Mars Volta – Inertiatic ESP
The Mars Volta – Since We’ve Been Wrong
This blog post popped up on my newsfeed and it’s awesome.
I hate those “fitspiration” photos on Pinterest and Tumblr.
They are so disturbing.
Exercise Anorexia is a very real thing. Let’s not encourage it. geez.
“Strong is the new skinny” is just all kinds of messed up.
And reading this reminded me of when broadcasters were picking apart the bodies of female athletes for not being skinny enough or pretty enough. WOW, they’re at the Olympics, have some goddamn respect.
So you see, it’s not really about being healthy, or strong, or proud of yourself. It’s more shaming of women.
Par for the course.
And I’m having none of it.
“Training so hard as to induce vomiting and uncontrollable sobbing is to slowly undermine the basic human judgement of what constitutes challenge versus what causes injury”
“Strong isn’t really replacing skinny; being skinny is no longer enough. Now, ladies, you need to be skinny and ripped. It’s an additional layer of self-loathing (perfectly suited for hypergymnasiacs), just in case people had started to get desensitized to the omnipresent and psychologically crippling display of corpse-thin women in the media.”
“If your body or your mind says “it hurts” or “I need to stop”—and I’m going to be as clear as I can about this—FOR FUCK’S SAKE STOP. It isn’t even a joint health thing at this point, it’s just creepy.”
I’ve been really into Brit rock recently.
And the radio turned me on to The 1975.
Their song “Sex” immediately caught my attention.
It reminds me of my teenage years.
Which is a bit disconcerting, feeling that teenage heartache again.
But also so cathartic and addictive.
Plus their album is spectacular.
I advise looking up the lyrics, all the better to feel those feelings.
Songs after the cut.
You may have noticed a new category that popped up.
My first Me post was to inaugurate little updates about me into the blog.
But then I decided that I would also begin posting my essays that I want to write, about myself obviously.
So watch this space for my musings, observations, and opinions!
If you haven’t noticed, most of my runway fashion posts come from http://www.style.com/
Style.com has a huge catalog of runway shows.
They post shows almost instantaneously.
And I don’t visit as often as I would like because I would spend all day drooling over the shows.
And the reason I prefer Style.com is that they have the entire runway show, not their picks, I like to see the whole thing.
They also have really good quality photos and you can zoom in to see those artistic details. Invaluable.
They also post well written reviews of the various shows.
Have to appreciate good writing about fashion.
If you are into fashion you should definitely check out Style.com.
Thom Browne Fall 2013 Ready to Wear
Lets go back in time a little, to Thom Browne’s presentation for the season that is just beginning.
I love the textures and colors, so very fall, and so very British (the vision of UK upper class fashion in the international consciousness).
Luxurious and gorgeous.
And so over the top!
I’m not always into things that are over the top, it can be very much a caricature.
And perhaps people critique Thom Browne for that very reason, it veers to cartoonish.
However, I am newly aware of his work, and I am enraptured.
Some inspiration for fall:
I read an article over at Jezebel called Even if Fashion Is an ‘Illusion,’ It Still Has to Face Reality.
“As it stands right now, fashion is an illusion. It does not map onto real life. As the British Vogue film strives to show, it promotes an impossible ideal of beauty and body size. And, as the WaPo article argues, it’s an illusion in other ways as well: the industry continues to be hideously whitewashed even as America grows more diverse and countless mass retailers are propped up by unlawful and completely unethical labor practices. Acknowledging that “fashion imagery does not equal reality” is a good first step, but the real solution lies in making the world of fashion more accurately represent the real world — not in insinuating that it has no responsibility to.”
In reading this article I can’t help but think of how popular fashion bloggers have become.
And fashion bloggers are almost the anti-thesis of what fashion magazines claim their readers want.
A person who blogs about fashion (usually) looks like a real person, doesn’t have the technical skills to be overly photoshopped, and can’t afford to wear “inspirational” clothes.
I’ve always been bothered by the fashion spreads as inspiration and so there is nothing in there a real person can afford.
I love fashion spreads as art, yes, I do not mean to diminish their beauty and importance in finding inspiration in fashion.
But I believe that those artful and amazing fashion spreads need to be interspersed with other features in a magazine that show clothes the reader can actually buy, and outfits they can actually put together.
And I think this is the void that fashion bloggers fill.
In a way I have sometimes found Tavi to be more inspirational than any fashion magazine I have read in the past 3 years.
And I’m not even going to start in on the fact that I haven’t seen a good fashion spread in a long time.
And I love beautiful actresses, but they are not models.
I think that fashion magazines have begun the march towards becoming obsolete because they are completely unaware of their own failings.
Everything has gotten so detached from reality that it’s just untenable.
And I don’t know where the Grace Coddington I fell in love with went.
All of Vogue is just ads, and half of the ads have ugly clothes in them.
And I love high quality products, they make me swoon, but I don’t love the industry.
I mean a well made purse is fabulous, but Marc Jacobs, 400 dollars for fake leather??? ARE YOU KIDDING?
Because I’m certainly not buying that.
I don’t agree with buying something just for the name. And I don’t like brand recognition.
I don’t want someone I see on the street to know how much I paid for something, I don’t choose my purses as status symbols. I choose them because I love the leather and the look of them. If they are a no-name brand, are well made, and don’t cost 400 dollars all the better!
Selling an “image” is so much a part of the white-washing and “illusion” problem.
You’re buying the Marc Jacob’s girl status. Her image. Who she is. She’s a slightly edgy rich white girl.
I just want to buy a purse.
I want to express my own self, my sense of style, my personality, not a designer’s.
I don’t need to see an “illusion” to be inspired. How very little imagination they must think we all have.
I know for myself it’s so hard to imagine a piece on myself when it’s on a model who looks so different, much smaller, a different shape, and different coloring.
Maybe if magazines actually showed how to convert trends in real life wear-ability people would be able to dress better.
I have a lot of feelings about fashion.
And the above is a bit of a jumble.
But the point is that I agree with the Jezebel article, and I hope the fashion industry gets a reality check.
So I stumbled onto this website: Mark Manson (subtitle The Psychology of Life).
And he has some good articles and good observations.
I don’t agree with everything, but that’s life.
I have read a bunch of stuff because there can be some gems in there.
A summary of two articles I found to be really good are found after the cut.
So I recently traveled to Italy.
I went at the beginning of August.
The absolute worst time to go weather-wise, and if you want things to actually be open.
But I had a great time regardless.
Before I left I bought two backpacks that were amazing and I thought I’d write a post about them.
1) North Face – Women’s Surge II
in black and turquoise
Features that I like:
- comfortable straps that fit my frame
- laptop compartment (separate from the main compartment)
- nice zippers that don’t stick
- tons of pockets and internal compartments (I actually use almost all of them)
- hipbelt that I can stow if I don’t want to use it (helps distribute the weight when it was really heavy carrying a ton of stuff)
- side water bottle pocket
- holds a lot of stuff
Overall I love this backpack, and once it wears out I will probably replace it with another North Face. Highly recommended.
2) Pacsafe – Camsafe Venture V16 Slingpack
Features that I like:
- sits comfortably on my body
- I can sling it around to get to my camera without having to take it off
- there is a stabilizer strap to secure it from the other side
- multiple internal compartments and pockets
- side waterbottle pocket (or tripod)
- can hold a tablet / small computer (separate compartment)
- remove-able padded camera compartment
- “Tamper-proof zippers/compartments that lock or latch on to a spring-loaded metal clip thwarts pickpockets.”
Traveling to Italy I wanted a backpack that would be a bit harder for pick pockets to get into. Obviously if they were going to steal my stuff they were going to steal it regardless, but I wanted to make it a little harder. And you can choose to not secure the zippers if you want. Overall if you ignore the theft deterrent features this is still a really great camera backpack. I’m really pleased with it. I have a really nice DSLR and this is a much easier way to take it with me while I am out and about. Also highly recommended.
This should be on my tv so I can watch it.
In the article they referenced this feminist website called The Hawkeye Initiative. What disturbed me the most about the Hawkeye initiative was how, even seeing the two examples juxtaposed, I still had to work at it to see how unnaturally contorted the female characters were.
My favorite gender-flip thing so far is the cover-flip. Coverflip: Maureen Johnson Calls For An End To Gendered Book Covers With An Amazing Challenge. I love book covers, and I hate the “girly” covers. So it was awesome to see them gender-flipped.
“The basic skill to develop, though, is the one that lies at the heart of flipping: asking, “What if?” If I were a woman, would I talk to me at parties? If women told men their complaints were irrelevant, would that attitude be worth worth fighting? If I were writing about a male musician, would I talk about his clothes and his famous exes this much? If I drew Hawkeye in the pose I’m sketching Black Widow in right now, would he look ridiculous? If Trayvon Martin had been a white kid, and George Zimmerman a black man, would the verdict have been the same?
The Hawkeye Initiative and Flip The News won’t make us all into enlightened, thoughtful social justice warriors overnight, but those moments of epiphany and empathy add up. Social change happens slowly – often so gradually, you don’t even notice until it’s all around you.”
I am happy to see this kind of awareness and social change happening around me.